When you hear the words “perfect relationship,” what picture do you paint in your head?
You might say that a perfect relationship is peaceful, respectful, kind, harmonious, but most of all, balanced.
Imagine a relationship that’s only one-sided where one person makes all the effort, gets all the say, where only one person’s needs and wants are met. Perhaps this kind of relationship could survive, but not thrive. In an intimate relationship where both persons affect each other on a deeper level, both individuals need to contribute, make effort, give and receive a fairly equal amount of energy and support. Because one-sided relationships are never healthy – neither for the one who gives more or takes more.
Maybe you’ve heard about “finding balance”, but balance is not something you find. Balance is something you make. It doesn’t come to you out of nowhere, it’s something you intentionally create. So, don’t wait around for balance to enter your relationship. Balance requires you to do the deep work within yourself – to learn to embrace, accept, and work well together with the other person.
In Ancient Eastern philosophy, there is this concept called yin and yang. The art of balancing and embracing dualities. It was even believed that yin and yang is the force that created the world in the beginning. Picture this – light and dark, fire and water, expansion and contraction – all of this working together to create a one whole universe. So, the idea is to not have one force more powerful than the other. It’s about working together with acceptance and in harmony, in spite of all their contradictions.
Balance doesn’t mean you agree all the time with what the other person says. It means you take them into consideration. Not everything will go our way, sometimes we can’t even understand the other person’s ways, but the key is to take them into consideration.
Balance doesn’t mean that there is no conflict in the relationship. In fact, without conflict, your bottled up emotions can get your relationship off-balance. A balanced relationship means that there is healthy communication, effective disagreements that lead you to a better point of view.
And most importantly, your balanced relationship might not look like everyone else’s, and that’s okay. Take your time to figure it out and know what balance looks like for your unique relationship.