Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know. These are the lyrics of a well-known children’s movie soundtrack. But, when you come to think about it, you would be surprised at how much this truly resonates with our lives as adults. There are parts of our world that we would never wish to reveal to anyone. A part of us that we guard so protectively that we think we’re giving ourselves some healthy boundaries when, in truth, we are unhealthily afraid about people getting too close to us and seeing our true selves – a fear of intimacy that has been built up over time. 

The idea of having boundaries and of being afraid of intimacy may seem paradoxical, but it’s not. Having boundaries does not mean that we can’t be truthful to others about who we really are and what is going on inside of us. Boundaries look like guardrails that protect, while Fear of Intimacy looks like walls of isolation. 

When trust is broken, it is natural for us to protect ourselves by building these walls. But sooner or later – to forgive, reconcile, trust, and love again – we must move past these walls, beyond boundaries, and into a place of intimacy. A place of raw honesty where shame has no power to exist.

Once we understand this, love will flow easily out of the gates of our hearts, and having “boundaries” no longer becomes an excuse for us to not fully love. Because, to be fully loved is to be fully known. The famous author Brené Brown once said, “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” If you take that step of courage, let yourself be seen and loved first, you’ll appreciate what it means to love other people. To fully love, you must first be fully loved. 

Cheers,

Axioo