“That’s the heartbeat flickering… Oh wait, there’s two.”
I remember vividly that whole scene. Jason and I laughed politely hearing that, thinking it was just a joke. Turns out, sonographers never joke about things like that. There were indeed two heartbeats flickering on the screen. All these while, I had totally imagined crying when I finally saw a heartbeat for the first time. But instead, we were left in a total shock, both of us went silent, trying to grasp what we’ve just heard. Just as we were leaving, I found myself burst into tears, feeling overwhelmed with everything.
Once the initial shock dust settled and the reality of two babies on the way finally sunk in, I found myself eerily alone. Although I have lots of friends who have multiple children, eventually I realized that when you are pregnant with twins, you just want to be around other people whom you can relate, you want to be connected to other twin moms too. You long for other people who get it, who get the agony of your body shifting organs to house two babies. Every week passed is a milestone for me.
That’s the first reaction most people say when they heard I’m having twins. The truth is, these babies are our little miracles. Getting pregnant after suffering a loss is an amazing experience, yet also a very scary one. Every minute that you’re happy, you’re also terrified something will happen again. Throughout my pregnancy, Jason and I were constantly made aware of the likelihood that we could have preemie (premature) babies as they are so common in twin pregnancies. The constant worry, anxiety, fear, joy, happiness – all mixed up together with this doubled-up pregnancy hormones – can sometimes be overwhelming. But somehow these babies are teaching me to give in and let God take control, to be grateful every step of the way. Believe that God’s plan for you is better than any plan you could dream up for yourself.
Never in my wildest dreams, I envisioned having twins. It’s truly a wonderful experience having the privilege to be a twin mom. That being said, although there’s so much crying and screaming going on every day, soon enough it will be double the laughter, double the joy, double the hugs, and kisses. It’s truly a rewarding experience looking at those peaceful innocent faces fast asleep after a long day. They say when you have kids “days are long, years are short” – couldn’t agree more!