Many of us grew up with ‘Perfection’ being our North Star, our first love. We’ve fallen in love with the idea of things falling in line with our ideals and plans and expectations. We strive for perfection in our wedding parties, we want every detail to seem like a dream come true with zero slip-ups. Even in our relationships, we are caught in this endless chase, putting a lot of effort into making sure that we have the least amount of fights with our partners because want our relationships to look spotlessly clean and polished.
Perfection brings with it a sense of pleasure, achievement, and happiness. But perfection can also be an illusion. How would you feel if you found out that the thing you’ve unconsciously been trying to reach for all this time… didn’t exist?
Illusions trick us. They teach us that the things we think we’re seeing aren’t necessarily the things we’re actually seeing. But, illusions exist to prove to us how complex our minds can be. That our minds can tie numerous knots within itself and make something more complicated than it actually is.
What if this ‘illusion of perfection’ is making our view of love more complicated than it should be?
“A perfect marriage isn’t the union of two perfect people. It’s that of two imperfect people who have learned the value of forgiveness and grace.”
Maybe we’re supposed to aim our arrows somewhere a little bit further than ‘perfection’, that is, toward ‘maturity’. Being mature means to put the other person’s needs above your own — and so does love. To love simply means to lay yourself down in order to prioritize the other.
Maybe, being in a romantic relationship isn’t about giving each other a list of standards and expectations and goals to fulfill. That might be too heavy a burden for a human to carry. Maybe, loving someone is as simple as putting the other person first.
Love is simple, but not easy, because it is also significant. Its significance requires that both hands be dirty, stained with effort and sacrifice. Perfection can’t force itself to sustain this kind of love — only grace can. It’s the specific measure of grace and patience that has been given to you, just enough for you to spill out to your one-of-a-kind significant other.
Instead of perfection, let us aim for grace and forgiveness. Make it simple, but significant.
Venue: Alila Uluwatu, Bali