There are a lot of things that have been going on right now, but it’s not really happening in real life, it’s happening in my mind, and the worst thing about it is me not knowing what are God’s plans for my life.
Life right now is just me trying to find the right answers without knowing how, and that feeling keeps repeating itself, like I’m going in a circle over and over again asking this question: should I move to Singapore for college without graduating high school or should I just stay here and wait until I graduate then leaving for college?
It surely is a big decision that could go both ways. It’s either very wrong or really good. If you ask me this question 5 years ago, I would’ve definitely said I would stay. Now, the answer might be leaving, but I’m scared that it would not turn out like what God wanted it to be. I don’t want to look back to this moment and think how stupid I was for not taking the chance. I don’t want to screw this up, knowing that He has listened and will always listen to whatever my prayer is.
And I’ve just realized that i’m really turning 17 in 2 months. Not being able to make a decision is such a disappointment for me.
People always say, “17 is the age of maturity.” It’s like a turning point from your childish self into more mature self. To be honest, I don’t think that term really works for me on decision making. It bothers me a lot that I can’t figure this out at this age, because I feel like I have given myself enough time to think about this matter but still cannot seem to figure it out. Somehow, it is exciting to see all the surprises because I believe it’s going to be best thing that could possibly happen.
In fact, if you turn out regretting the decision that I made 6 years ago, that’s okay. Because God is with you, He won’t leave you. You have seen Him open another way when there were none, and I believe He is going to do it again.
You are precious, so stop being so perfectionist that you hate yourself for not being able to do nor be the things you wanted or thought could do.
By now, I hope you finally can stop holding onto the what could have beens, as if they were memories. Whatever happens, be thankful for it. Be glad that you’ve made it this far and still fighting for your battles.
I’ve always wanted you to be a fashion designer; having your own workspace, loving your job, and being successful not only material things, but in every other ways.
Even if you cannot have your dream job or whatever you wanted, it’s fine. All that you ever need, God has provided them within you. And everything else is simply a blessing to what you already have. Because life is a series of tiny miracles.