Have you ever wished you were a kid again? When the worst pain youve ever felt was a skinned knee you got when you fell down? I wished that for me a few weeks ago, because I know that skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.
I broke my heart. When I had to let go of a dream that was already in my hand, I shattered my heart to pieces. A door seemed open for me and I already caught a glimpse of the space inside. I had begun to look for things to fill that space with and I had dreamt of beautifying it. But then it was all taken away from me. I felt my heart free-diving, falling hard from the 54th floor, splattering on the ground. I had dared myself to dream. I dared to expect. But I never anticipated this disappointment and I broke my heart.
At that moment of severe heartache, I thought to myself that I should have never dreamt of it in the first place. I blamed myself for even bringing me to that point, to be so open, to be vulnerable. I couldnt stop the tears from running down my face. I broke my heart and I wanted nothing more than to curl away in a bubble – away from people, away from dreaming – to nurse my broken heart.
But what doesnt kill me, does make me stronger. I got up again. And after deep thoughts over the past few weeks, I decided that experience is truly the best teacher and what I got out of it was simply a valuable life lesson: that I wouldnt know how strong I could be until being strong was the only choice I had.
So, I stared my experience in the face (so to speak) and I put the pieces of my broken heart together again. Its not whole entirely. Not yet. But I believe that time heals all things so I will just have to wait. To wait for complete healing.
Skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. Scratched surfaces may heal faster than a deep wound. But it doesnt mean that shattered hearts cannot be mended. They can. By letting go of all the things that have hurt me, I am letting my heart fix itself. In the meantime, I am trying to move on by being grateful for what is still in my hands today. For the dreams that I still have, for the people that are still in my world, for the things I never had to give up And slowly, I can feel my heart beat again.
The secret of contentment is knowing how to enjoy what you have and to be able to lose all desire for things beyond your reach.
Thanks for letting me share.
Photo by Ivan Mario