How many times have you said to your fiancé, “I’ll be ready in five minutes,” when you haven’t even gotten into the shower and would take at least another 30 minutes to get ready?
How many times have you told him that you didn’t have an opinion about something and nonchalantly say “It’s really up to you, babe,” when you know exactly how you felt about the subject?
Or, and this is our favorite, how many times have you told him, “oh, I’m not mad,” when you’re actually furious?
Humans lie all the time, don’t they? And it’s really nothing big. A little white lie can’t hurt anyone, can it?
The problem with “little white lies” or lying in general is that it can be such a subjective topic, especially in a romantic relationship. Everyone has different opinions of what actually defines a “white” lie and it can be hard when you don’t share the same opinions on the subject with your partner. Although you might think that it’s a harmless fib, your partner might think otherwise.
Unless you’re a chronic liar who can no longer tell the difference between a lie and the truth, lying won’t feel good and won’t come naturally to you anyway. It would feel wrong to do it, especially to someone you love, no matter how harmless you think it is. So, why do you even do it? We want to encourage you to think about the reason behind these white lies. Why can’t you tell him that you’d be ready in 30 minutes instead of five? Why can’t you tell him that you’re really furious? Is it to avoid confrontation because you’re afraid of how he’ll react? Is it to keep things short so that you don’t get into a heated argument? Why can’t you just tell him how you really feel?
Honesty and transparency in a relationship will bring you great comfort. To know that you can trust your partner without reservation will keep your relationship problems at bay. And building trust starts with telling the truth – no matter how big or how small the subject is. We believe that every uncertainty in a relationship can be solved when communicated tenderly, without having to resort to telling little white lies. For example, when you can’t be ready in five minutes because you lost track of time when watching the latest episode of your favorite drama series, apologize profusely and tell your fiancé to pick you up later than planned or offer to meet him at your destination instead. When he upsets you, have the courage to speak up – after you’ve calmed down, of course – and openly discuss how you both could have handled the situation better.
When you think that you’re protecting your partner or sparing him some grief by telling him a little white lie, please remember that concealing the truth can do your relationship more harm than good. Honesty and transparency needs to be a culture in your relationship and you can’t have that when you’re still lying to him occasionally, no matter how harmless you think it may be. Take comfort in knowing that you can tell each other anything and still be accepted. Because isn’t that what unconditional love in a marriage truly means?
In all honesty, with love,